Listen to Your Wife! (Rabbi Ephraim Sprecher)

 1 Tammuz 5781 (Rosh Hodesh B)

 

 

 

 

 

Listen to Your Wife!



by Rabbi Ephraim Sprecher | first published here

In his revolt against the authority of Moses and Aaron, Korach was supported by Dathan and Abiram and by On, the son of Peleth. The opening verse of this sidra is the only place where On ben Peleth is mentioned; and his name does not occur in the more detailed narrative that follows. Noting the absence of the name from the subsequent account, the Talmud states, that On, the son of Peleth, was saved from the consequences of his folly by the wisdom and sound common sense of his wife. She pointed out to him that he had nothing to gain from rebelling because whoever remained the leader, Moses or Korach, he would be simply a follower (Sanhedrin 109b). He took her advice, withdrew from the rebellion and was saved.   The Midrash finds allusions in his name to the initial involvement of On ben Peleth in Korach's mutiny. He is called On (connected with aninut, "mourning") because he did not cease from mourning for having sided with Korach; and he is named ben Pelet (connected with pele, "miracle") because he was rescued from destruction by a miracle. The Midrash also understands the words of Proverbs "The wise among the women build her house" (14:11) to refer to On's wife whose wisdom rescued her household from destruction, and it takes the continuation of the verse "But the foolish woman overthrows it with her own hands" to refer to Korach's wife who, in encouraging her husband to rebel, destroyed him and herself (Bemidbar Rabbah 18:15).   The good influence a Jewish woman can have is most effectively exerted in her home, the strongest fortress for moral values. As King David says in Psalms: "the glory of the King's daughter is in her home." From the earliest times in the history of Israel the honored place of the Jewish woman was first and foremost in her home because of the Jewish values she nurtures in her family.   The most vital areas of a Jew's life are entrusted to women's care and attention. Thus, the Mishna in Tractate Shabbat mentions three mitzvot specifically highlighting the woman's powerful and central role in Judaism: niddah (laws of family purity), challah (sanctifying a portion of baked bread), and hadlakat nerot (lighting candles). Niddah governs sexual relations and procreation; challah symbolizes sanctity and kashrut in the home, and candles are a symbol of the Sabbath and the Festivals, that we are able to sanctify time.   The Torah states that G-d created Eve from Adam's rib in order that she should be a helpmate for him (Genesis 2:18) – ezer kenegdo. The Hebrew phrase is somewhat contradictory. Ezer is "a help", and kenegdo is "against him". In the Talmud (Yevamot 63a) Rabbi Elazar solved the difficulty by saying that if her husband is worthy she is to help him, but if he is not worthy she is against him. Perhaps, however, she sometimes helps him by being against him. If she smooths his rough edges , corrects his faults and points out when he is wrong, she helps him by not mirroring or reinforcing his shortcomings. Sometimes only a wife can appropriately correct her husband. A man is often a poor judge of his own character and cannot see himself objectively. Thus, the gematriya (numerical value) of אשה (wife) in Hebrew equals מוסר (rebuke), because only a wife can properly reprove and correct her husband. Musar (rebuke) also in gematriya equals דבש (honey). For rebuke to be effective, it must be given in a sweet and pleasant manner.   ***       I bring this here because Rav Eliyahu, זצוק"ל, used to live in my neighborhood before he passed, and one of his sons is the rabbi of one of the batei knesset  here. I am also happy that he did so much good for Jonathan and Esther.   Of course, we also know that Jonathan listens to his wife and keeps her close — the point of this post! H/t Devash.   ***   Also read: Crunch Time: The Last Trimester of the Final 9 Months (may it be so, or even sooner!)   Hodesh tov uShabbath Shalom!